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Filler, Baby

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[26 Nov 2007|02:19am]
[ mood | new ]

So I got trendy and here's where it's all at now: loverapplewhite.blogspot.com

I'd appreciate followers. Love you lj! We had a good time! I might update on occasion.

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you look lovely lying wasted on the bed [27 Jul 2007|03:23pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

Sometimes there's nowhere I'd rather be than my own backyard. This is a time. All hail Tucson July!

Last night reformed me a little. All I want is to scale the world in the most sensual way possible--with the one who swilled ale and watched re-runs of Anthony Bourdain with me last night. I think I am back! I believe the Earth is good.

Also I've randomly lost eight pounds in the past two weeks. Who wants to see a foreign film with me?

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maybe they are joking [25 Jul 2007|08:15am]
[ mood | angry ]

I hope Nick Urman isn't serious. The concept of utilitarianism is fine, but to abandon the notion of all personal expansion--indeed, to call it self-indulgent--is disgusting. Goodbye, evolution. Goodbye, point of living. And goodbye hope of solving any worldly afflictions. I am too tired and angry to write this. I have too many mean things to call him (wretched nihilistic cockroach). I've never loved Ayn Rand and I'm not explicitly endorsing her teachings, but if one does not develop on an individual level, how can there be expectation of change? Without personal motivation/inspiration, we are doomed to be ants. Obviously.

Unless you want, for example, the world to burn down and more genocides to prosper and more entire nations to starve, I recommend looking beyond giving the poor "accoutrements" and look into becoming someone strong enough to pull up the roots of poverty and heal the ground beneath. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was "self-indulgent" enough to muster the individuality it takes to lead. Had he possessed the good sense and common courtesy to just say, "Wow, who do I think I am to try to change the world in which I live--to quest for personal (and collective) happiness," this world would be an uglier place to lie low and conform. How dare you talk about deserving, Nick Urman. And how dare you attack someone for starting a movement. Are you in fact so desperate to be different--to, yes, be a non-conformist--that you're promoting this tragic swill?

There ARE things to escape--but the key word should be change. And we can't change if we don't deserve to claim ourselves for our own.

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summer school [09 Jul 2007|08:52am]
[ mood | full ]

Since I've been cooking a lot I'm recording food here now, so I can remember what I've made and what's good. This morning:

2 eggs poached in tomato cream soup
half 1 wheat roll w/melted dill harvati

Not the prettiest, but completely delicious and really fast.
And world, if you ever think that no one understands, don't worry. Jeff Buckley knows. Even from the grave he feels you.

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big big plans [14 May 2007|03:48am]
[ mood | fine ]

I found this in a story on my desktop:

My life has always been a love story: when I was eight on top of Devil’s Tower, my skinny arms stretched out toward the paranormal sky, an affair was ignited between me and the world. In this case, the latter is the weathered, married professor and I am the throbbing idealist in hand-made clothes of incense and thyme. Our escapades are risky, but I feel safe traveling the blue-veined biceps of his shores and mountains.

I can't remember when I wrote it though.

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and you know, uh huh, you will [12 Apr 2007|02:37am]
[ mood | hungry ]

This is real lame, but I said I'd write a page tonight and this a livejournal so I'll post it. I know it is as flat and short as a third grader.

Chalk.Collapse )

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[23 Mar 2007|11:42am]
[ mood | awake ]

Julie Newmar's Four Big No Nos (from her excellent website):

1. Do NOT commit murder
2. Do NOT commit suicide
3. Do NOT commit incest
4. Do NOT be afraid

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Listen, bitch. [22 Mar 2007|06:52pm]
[ mood | predatory ]

I'll kill you.

-----I drink so much. It's raining. I'm sneezing. My head is less than half full. Instincts dulled down to primal. Nothing else.-----

I mean I'll fucking kill you.

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blech [20 Mar 2007|05:01pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Shannyn Sossamon named her child Audio Science.
In other news, this town sucks goat balls.
I feel big and small at once.

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generally my generation wouldn't be caught working for the man [23 Feb 2007|06:13pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

FUCK money.

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it was so fucking precious [14 Feb 2007|01:53am]
[ mood | tired ]


In addition, there are moments wherein external sources give one a sense of complete belonging. Like descriptions of pre-law extensions on economics majors. Yes! So I am changing my major to economics! Weird! That's what college does. It feels kind of haphazard, like a spontaneous tattoo, but fuck. Wouldn't I be more exciting with an economics degree? It's not as scintillating as, perhaps, an anthropology degree, but my mother's got three of those and she's, um, an economist. So! I like the world and business suits. I love arguing and researching and analyzing and synthesizing and predicting. Of course I am a writer. But I also need to bring down Walmart. You don't even know. Fiction means nothing if writers know nothing. I want to know! I want to determine output, income, employment, and price levels through aggregate supply and demand analysis and related graphical techniques! Do I sound like I'm trying to convince myself? Let me tell you this. I don't want to work at a fucking newspaper for the rest of my life. Not even a magazine. I like airplanes, not offices; chic food, not husbands. I can win things. I'll scare you. Allow me frozen coffee and a key to the B.A. building!

Post script: You make me feel like a secret sometimes!

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you've got to wake up before you fall apart [07 Feb 2007|03:28am]
[ mood | :) ]

Because I didn't watch last week's Grey's till now, forgive me as I declare:Collapse )

Now that I've spent that, well. There have been a lot of happy happenings in my life lately, but I feel like writing them down will jinx things, and I can't afford that. Or rather, I don't want to. Could is a cop-out word like should or ought to or must. And I don't want to cop-out of anything anymore.

The Philadelphia Story reaches into my chest and pulls me up against it by the heartstrings. Forgive me. But really. Macauley Connor. C.K. Dexter Haven. Elizabeth Imbrie; Dinah; Tracy fucking Lord!! Not to mention The True Love. I want my life to play out a little like the garden scene between Macauley Connor and Tracy Samantha Lord. And especially like Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn discussing how yar they are. It is a beautiful movie. It is maybe the best movie. I just like Hedwig and Rushmore a little more.

I haven't gone to class in far too long. And I like class. So tomorrow. Me and Earnest Hemingway on South Campus. (I read him between classes).

I am going to Tucson this weekend. Otherwise, I don't even know what to say.

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[30 Jan 2007|03:14am]
[ mood | enthralled ]

How did I live before Justin Bond and Jay Brannan.

And you.

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Restless with an angel's wing, I dig a grave to bury you [25 Jan 2007|12:53am]
[ mood | drained ]

I can't be casual. (I need to) Eat your soul or bust.

I can't just be pretty when you're drunk.

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[23 Jan 2007|01:43pm]
I dreamt that I was on a soujourn to the mountains when I got sidetracked in a small town, on the edge of which Justin Bond owned an independent movie theatre that played things like Flashdance and which doubled as a costume shop. He had two really hot twin brothers and I became friends with them all. Later Caleb Renfro, another drag queen I know, made sweet drag queen love to my friend Christian in his drag queen van.

All this really cheered me up.

Thanks, Justin!

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you're a tease, you're a cocksucker, you're a loud-mouth bitch and a big talker, but that's okay. [23 Jan 2007|01:19am]
Without 40 ounces of social skills, I'm just an ass in the crack of humanity.
I'm just a huge manatee.
And besides, you're probably holding hands with some pretty, skinny girl who likes to talk about bands
All I wanna do is ride bikes with you
And stay up late and watch cartoons.

Thank you, Moldy Peaches.

Today two nice, different boys asked me out, but all I can think about is this:

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[21 Jan 2007|09:29pm]
Rediscovering Savage Garden's Affirmation has been one of the greatest pleasures of my adult life.

And things are better; thanks for your comments.
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and yours--panic on the streets of london [15 Jan 2007|03:14pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

From Milton Black's Scorpio-Leo compatibility profile---

Your sexual attraction for one another comes in sudden, unexpected waves. At times, it is irresistible and you are likely to find yourselves unexpectedly becoming involved in a sexual relationship even before you have gotten to know each other very well. This sudden arousal of sexual interest, however, subsides as suddenly and mysteriously as it is awakened, and the inconstancy of the attraction and fascination for each other can put this relationship on a roller coaster ride.

This very much describes my life in this moment.

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[13 Jan 2007|03:00pm]
[ mood | tired ]

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I hate snow.
And pine trees.
Bury me deep in the desert.

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mememememememes [07 Jan 2007|09:13pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Memes!Collapse )

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